The (not so) secret life of gays and their pets

July 24, 2017

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Photos by Patrick Jamora

Maybe it’s because, at least in the Philippines, we still can’t adopt. Maybe it’s because surrogacy has always felt so alien and out of reach. Maybe it’s just the result of an increasingly overpopulated world. Whatever the reason is, many gay Filipino men seem to be resigned to never having children.

Instead, an animal sometimes fills that space—this wild thing that’s rowdy and messy and time-consuming like a child, but often manages to be as rewarding. When you ask a gay couple about their cats or their dogs, their eyes just light up. You’ve invited a long, enthusiastic conversation about everything from hair shedding to surprise pregnancies to unexpected emotional milestones.

James Alcantara and JC Valenzuela, for instance, got their Chowchow Philippe one year into their relationship. While it was daunting at first, they’ve spent the last seven years together living with Philippe.

“We had a long discussion about it because I wasn’t ready. We just settled in in our new apartment and it was just one year into the relationship. And then of course it’s gonna be a big dog,” James shares. “And all the scary stories about all the hair that you will ever encounter with a Chowchow, but ‘yun, we took the risk and got him on-board.”

Their lives changed drastically with Philippe around. Apart from the medical requirements and the hour-long grooming sessions, it was the first time they needed house help. “We didn’t need a maid prior to the dog, I think we could handle our laundry, all the fixing in the house. That’s when we realized, when we got him, that somebody really had to take care of him.”

“We never thought about it, having a dog is tantamount to having a kid. We just wanted to explore the option of a dog. And suddenly you are confronted with responsibilities similar to [being a parent],” JC says.

Vince Africa and Reymart Cerin, who run a design agency and a café together, initially tried to get Lindy, their British Shorthair to be their office cat, but now she spends more time at home with them. About a year ago, Vince found a stray kitten that they took in as well, a cat they named Burnham.

While the two had taken care of cats and dogs previously, they consciously opted for a cat because they needed a low-maintenance animal. “When we decided to have an office pet, we had to decide kung dog or cat. We thought na ‘pag cat nga, nandiyan lang siya, parang nasa background lang siya. You don’t really have to do that much,” Vince shares.

Reymart notes as well that cats fit their company’s very mobile operations better. When the two head to meetings, they leave Lindy at the office with her toys and her litter box and they come back hours later to find her perfectly relaxed in the same spot. “Very on-the-go kami, mahirap din na mag-commit nang sobra sa dog. ‘Pag dog, medyo full-time ka,” says Reymart.

While Lindy and Burnham were largely low-maintenance, Vince and Reymart ran into trouble when Lindy became pregnant. “Supposedly brother and sister sila, pero hindi,” Reymart shares with a laugh. “Nabuntis ni Burnham si Lindy.” Because of the incident, Burnham needed to be moved to Vince’s house along with Lindy and their two kittens.

While he’s been in a relationship for almost a year, Gio Gahol does most of his dog parenting by himself. His six-year-old Shih Tzu, Buster, arrived at a crucial time in his life. Through social media, the actor and dancer stumbled upon a workmate’s photos of her dog and a new litter of puppies.

“That time, it had been almost two years since Georgie, our family dog, passed away and a year since my two-year relationship with my ex ended,” he says. “I guess it was the combined loneliness from both experiences and that fact that I was living alone that made me consider seeking a canine companion. I went through the photos of the pups and there was one that got my attention. My heart skipped and I just knew I was meant to be with this puppy.”

While Buster was initially not for sale, Gio pleaded to get this particular dog from the litter. Eventually, he got his way. “I cried a little while driving him home that day, because for the first time in a while, I wouldn’t be alone at home.”

Of course, the future remains to be a concern for gay couples that share pets. Animals can outlive relationships and there’s always the question of where they’ll go after. There are the ones who split their pets up Parent Trap-style. There are others who attempt shared custody.

While they emphasize that nothing’s certain, James and JC do wonder about Philippe’s role in their future. “Sometimes we talk about marriage or sometimes we’re pressured to talk about it with friends,” JC shares. They wonder, “Will he be around for the ceremony if we do get married, if we do end up together? If we end up together, sana may role si Philippe if he’s still alive.”

Gio, on the other hand shares that he talks to Buster about everything. On the topic of the guys Gio’s dated, Buster can respond with either judgment or compassion. “Call me crazy but sometimes I could hear him talk back to me in my head,” says Gio. “That being said, Buster’s played the role of my best friend at home and has heard me rant and rave about all the people I’ve dated and been in a relationship with.”

While their pets came into their lives in different ways and at different points in their lives, these gays can all agree that through them, they learned so much more about themselves and their capacity for love and responsibility.

James shares that Philippe taught them that they could make time for another living thing in their lives. “On Saturdays, we’ll be so drunk, but he has to walk [in the morning].” JC adds, “He taught us what we’re good at. I guess even in parenthood, whatever it is, you have to understand where your strength lies.”

Vince and Reymart talk about how having Lindy and Burnham has helped them manage conflict better, because the cats are a shared responsibility. “Stress reliever siya, so parang ‘pag may tension, nakaka-help rin siya to break that tension. Parang siyang anak na kahit may problem kayo sa isa’t isa, you still think about ‘yung cat, e. So kunyari wala na siyang food ta’s ‘di kayo nag-uusap, e kailangan niyong mag-usap.”

Gio shares that having Buster has taught him to be more responsible and practical with his time and with his relationships. “He’s taught me to bark or bite only when necessary, sleep whenever you can, know when you have to go, and that happiness can be expressed with just a wag of a tail,” he says with a smile.

Sure, they’re tons of trouble, but everyday pets play a special role in a gay man’s life, whether he’s coupled or not. Though we seem worlds away from inclusive adoption laws or even ending the stigma around same-sex parents, it’s comforting that we can find a semblance of that responsibility and growth in a relationship through the animals we love.

“Home isn’t home when there isn’t a dog who’s so happy to see you after a long day. There’s nothing like it,” James says. There’s an inherent warmth and comfort that comes from an animal that loves you unconditionally. And as needy as they get, admittedly, we might need them more.