Mapping out the checkpoints of a long-distance relationship

May 22, 2018

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Art by Ivan Grasparin

My boyfriend made a decision to leave and train overseas. He says it’s for our future, and that he’ll return after a year to start a life with me using the money he’ll save. I assure myself that this will all be worth it in the end, but deep inside, I think otherwise. I’m scared that the distance, both physical and emotional, will take its toll on us. I’m scared that as the seasons change, so will he. He knows how much I love him; he knows I would never replace him with anyone. But as for me, I’m not as secure.

If you and your partner are lucky, you won’t have to go through this. But for some couples, there will come a point where a great deal of time will be spent apart. Career paths and big family decisions can pull you in different directions. Being away from your better half can be grueling, but if your relationship really matters, the distance won’t. Annoyingly, long-distance relationships are one of the best ways to know if your love can, excuse the pun, go the distance. Seeking advice (and comfort), I decided to ask a few couples who are going through similar circumstances for words of wisdom (and reassurance).

LDR success story Romulo Villanueva-Brazeau and now-husband Marty Brazeau, who met in Honolulu after three months of talking online, share how they handle the time difference and distance. “Distance should not be a reason for us to not be honest. I learned the value of honesty and trust throughout our relationship. We always make it a point to communicate with each other every day. We FaceTime almost every day. I think giving each other your time is the most important ingredient for a successful LDR. When the person you love is far from you, the more you should show that you love, respect, and trust them,” Romulo says.

“When the person you love is far from you, the more you should show that you love, respect, and trust them,” Romulo says.

Diana Bibay, whose boyfriend Genison is studying in the US Coast Guard Academy and will return in 2021, says “You need to compromise to keep a long-distance relationship working, but know that you shouldn’t sacrifice too much of yourself. Find the perfect balance or else you’ll end up burned out ‘pag nagpaka-martyr ka sa relationship niyo. Always remind yourself na hindi lang ikaw ang may pasan ng relationship niyo.”

“Dapat may ‘rough estimate’ kayo of your big day—the day when you finally start being with each other any time you want. You’ll have the motivation to accomplish whatever your reasons are kung bakit kayo magkahiwalay ngayon, para bawat move niyo sa pag-build ng relationship is geared toward that, and sa bawat araw na you choose to love your partner despite the time difference and the kilometers apart means a day closer to the big day,” she says.

Saving the best for last, I sought comfort from my good Judy, my best girlfriend, Danielle, who is in a semi-long distance relationship (Parañaque to Antipolo). She says, “‘Di na rin masama ang distance kasi at least you’re giving yourselves space to grow. Sabay naman kayo sa pag-grow, magkalayo lang. That way, in the future, ‘pag ready na kayong dalawa, sabay niyo iha-harvest ‘yung pinaghirapan niyong dalawa, and you’ll use that to start a new chapter pero this time, magkasama na.”

My boyfriend, who now works as an apprentice at a hotel in Long Island, New York, has only been gone for a month. Cheesy as it may sound, it already feels like forever since he left. Reassuring me as I profess my insecurities to him, he says:

“Weak hearts would surrender easily and find someone physically present to love. True love favors the strong. Ang fragile ng relationship natin if we rely on physical intimacy to keep us in love. There’s more to love than that,” he says. At this point, I am teary-eyed. “You can’t love someone solely for being present. You can’t love someone near when your heart is on the other side of the world.”

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